Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
