im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
