Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
