Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
