question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
