Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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