Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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