worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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