let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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