she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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