My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
