Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
