Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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