I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
