did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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