Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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