Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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