just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
