I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
