***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
