I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
