Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
