there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
