the condom got lost in my hair
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
