Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
