I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
