So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you didnt know i had herpes?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
