We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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