I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
