so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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