And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
