Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
