i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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