just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
