what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
