Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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