Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
The maid of honor just puked.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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