i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
