You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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