Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
