i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
