Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
