I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
