Umm I'm too high to move.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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