Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Holy shit dude........stairs
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