I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
