Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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