We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
