Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You work out of a Hotel?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Congratulations! We have a period
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