If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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