Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
