She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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