I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I need water and some morals
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
